Nonie’s Oscar yays and ews – or how to be nearly-bridal-but-not-quite

OK, so here goes.

First of all, the best accessories. Ideally you need the man who’s about to be named Best Actor, and a smiling look of love. You needed to be married to Colin Firth to nail this look in 2011. Luckily, Livia Firth was. That would be a yay, then.

Then there was the dress. Recycled out of 11 dresses from the period of The King’s Speech. See what she did there? Not sure about the straps, but loving the train. And the whole eco-thing. Continuing with the yay on this one.

Now Gwyneth Paltrow. She wore, in Auntie Nonie’s humble opinion, one of the Worst Oscar Dresses Ever when she accepted her Best Actress award in pink Ralph Lauren that didn’t fit. Shoulda been gorgeous. Wasn’t. However, we are liking this silver/gold thing. Very Hollywood. Very Pepper Potts, which was our favourite role for Gwyn. She doesn’t look quite real – but in a good way.

Nathalie – rocking that smile again. Just how glowing can a girl physically be? Advanced pregnancy, doting boyfriend and the Best Actress award add up to make Miss Portman glow everyone else off the red carpet. And that plummy dress colour? So lovely it hurts.

Mila Kunis. Loving. This. Dress. Bet she had to be glued into it, big time, but loving it all the same.

Hailee Steinfeld in the dress that Crow would have designed for Jenny had it ever been required. Beautiful shape. Lovely length. Not too sure about the pale colour, the fancy hair or the tottering heels, but basically, Auntie Nonie says ‘awwww’. Hope you had a great evening, Hailee. Go you.

Unlike Sunrise Ruffalo, who didn’t totally nail it in the black and gold thing. Sorry Sunrise. We hate to say this, but … ew.

Ah, Nicole. Who in her day has worn some of the most astonishingly good Oscar outfits ever. And whose addiction to Galliano for Dior on the catwalk has helped raise the whole tone of the Oscars over the years. (Auntie Nonie doesn’t remember the mini-skirts, big hair and feather boas of the eighties, but she’s told it was bad.) Nicole, who looked fab at the Grammys only a few days ago, and whose Givenchy wedding dress has won various polls for best wedding dress of all time. But who ever so slightly overdid the bridal thing this time, and went a bit crazy round the hips. Sorry, Nicole – Oscar fail. Better luck next year.

Emma Stone, Taylor Swift and Gwynnie at the Vanity Fair after party. Auntie Nonie is kind of dazzled by the frocks, the sequins, the blonde hair, the serious eye makup and the even more serious cheekbones. She finds them more than slightly scary as a trio, but oh so pretty. And she wants Emma Stone’s dress (which was short and sparkly). Big time.

That’s it from the Oscars in 2011. A good year for fashion overall, we think. Plus some great makeup and lovely hair. For more fashion commentary from the Guardian, click here.