Auntie Nonie’s starwatch top 10

I don’t know if any of you have noticed, but it’s exam time here in the Chatham household. Therefore, I have been spending quite a lot of time on the E!Online website, checking out the celebrity fashions. Sometimes, it’s the only way to stay sane.

Here are my top 10 of the best and worst red carpet dresses worn recently. Auntie Nonie gives her fashion advice to the stars.

Yes, Kristen, we approve. We’re liking the goth look of this dress, and the interesting net thing going on. Some people have rudely commented about your legs, but we like their paleness. It looks like you have to spend ages indoors to protect your BOYFRIEND.

And here you are again. It’s cool. It’s sexy. You look like you like wearing it. (As much as you ever do, but then, hey, not every girl has to enjoy the red carpet. We admire you for not pretending to enjoy having your photo taken several times a second, when clearly, you hate it. Go you!)

OK, so it’s not a red carpet outfit, Rihanna. It’s what you wear to go shopping. Auntie Nonie would wear this herself, if she could. Apart from the heels. Auntie Nonie is not good with heels. She likes them, though …

Here’s something we wouldn’t wear, Katy Perry. But we like it on you. And we LOVE the blue hair.

We Like This Dress, Michelle Williams. Auntie Nonie wants. (Auntie Nonie is thinking of making a similar version for herself out of some leftover sequins and an old, black tee-shirt of Harry’s.)

Oh dear, Sarah Jessica Parker, where do we begin? This dress may be by Alexander McQueen, who is a fashion god and recently died, but just because you feel tragic, it doesn’t mean you should look it. Granny says she has a Pucci one like this in her attic, left over from the 1970s. It was a horrific mistake at the time. It still is.

But look what you can do, SJP, when you get it right. You are Mum’s age, and women like Mum look good in jackets like this. We approve. Liking the sneaky view of the skirt. And the heels? THEY ARE PERFECT ON YOU! Wear them every day. You will never find a better pair for you. Trust me.

Sandra Bullock. You have an Oscar (yay!). You’ve had some tough times at home (ew). You have a cute little black dress and you can still smile like the lovely, funny actress you are. Yay! Go you.

I have recently blogged about the yaynesss of Victoria Beckham’s designer dresses. Very few women look bad in these. Jessica Simpson, unfortunately, is one of them.

Taylor Swift, you are my red carpet idol. Watch and learn how she does it, folks. Watch and learn.

About noniexxx

I live in Kensington and love fashion. My best friends are Jenny (actress), Edie (saving the world) and Crow (genius designer - OMG). I narrate the Threads series by Sophia Bennett. Some people think I'm a figment of her imagination. I think she's a figment of mine.
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