A question for the class …
What is wrong with this picture?
A clue: it is Princess Beatrice (you guessed that) in an RM by Roland Mouret dress at the Chelsea Flower show a couple of weeks ago.
But before I get to the ‘what’s wrong with this picture’ bit, perhaps I should cover the ‘what’s wrong with “RM by Roland Mouret”‘ bit. The dress was designed by Roland Mouret. Why can’t he just say so? Shall I tell you? It’s because he split up with his financial backers a couple of years ago and was no longer allowed to USE HIS OWN NAME. So he has to use the slightly longer and more ridiculous ‘my-initials-by-me’ version. He’s not the first. Jimmy Choo can’t use his own name, either. This kind of thing makes me so cross. It very nearly happened to Crow in Beads Boys & Bangles and it’s a big mark of how much she wanted to help the kids in India that she was willing to give up her own name to do it.
But I digress.
What is wrong with the Beatrice-in-lovely-dress-looking-great picture is that there is nothing wrong with the picture, but she’s doing it on the wrong day.
We don’t really mind how great Beatrice does or doesn’t look at the Chelsea Flower Show. We were too busy looking at roses and Gwyneth Paltrow’s trousers. We wanted Beatrice – and indeed all our princesses – to look great at the Royal Wedding. Not too much to ask, surely? And instead, as no doubt you vividly remember, she looked like this:
Now, it’s not that she wasn’t trying. The coat that made her look uncannily like a slice of Wall’s Viennetta was by Valentino. Valentino, people! He designs for, like, queens and stuff. Well-dressed ones. And the hat was by Philip Treacy, who designed Victoria Beckham’s hat on the same day (gorgeous), and many of the other hats at the Abbey (mostly gorgeous). What made him look at it on her head and go: ‘Yes! Baby! It’s you! Wear it in public! Go, girl!’
Cruel, positively cruel. At least it raised over £80,000 for charity when she auctioned it on eBay. (More in fact than Kate Middleton’s famous fashion show see-through dress.)
Have you noticed that I’m not saying anything about Eugenie here? There are no words. Actually, there is one: stylist.
But what makes me sad is that Beatrice can look good. She has great legs and gorgeous hair and, as this ‘RM by Roland Mouret’ (oh for goodness sake) dress shows, a potentially hot bod. Next time, will she please find a friend/stylist/designer who can get her to look like this for a big occasion? And in the meantime, please can I borrow her dress?